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Yarnspider
Mapping the ramblings and observations of a hopelessly addicted fibre junkie.
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 No, I haven't posted for a while. But that is what happens when a ME crash is followed by a Flu vax is followed by H1N1 Vax! But hey! These things happen, and I don't really like November anyway.
I haven't been totally idle, several million pairs of socks, scarves and mittens are testament to that! And now I'm back on my feet and back in workshop, which is a good place to be, even when the weather is a grey and miserable as it is at the moment. But then, we haven't had the worst of the weather and the attempts at snow in my part of the world over the last week have been, to put it kindly, farcical! Winter Soltice is already here and Christmas only days away so there will be worse to come I'm sure. As some compensation, this was the view from my window the other morning - a riot of colour to start the day.
I seem to have spent a substantial part of conversations with friends and loved ones recently trying to justify my existence again. They seem to fall into two distinct catagories, those that get it and those that still don't and, I'm beginning to fear, never will. I was told again by one friend last night that it is very important for me to "retain my independence" and I should get a disability scooter so that I can "get out more" which would "make me feel much better". I just gave up I'm afraid. A scooter is about as feasible as me picking up my car keys again and for precisly the same reason, I zone out. Big chunks of my life pass me by without my noticing them. I suddenly become aware that it is 20 minutes later than it was when I began to blink, having no recollection of what happened in the interim. This is problematic enough when attempting to hold a conversation with anyone (hey, it beats the game of charades that ensue when I can't find the right noun, "erm, looks like..... "), but whilst in charge of a vehicle it would be deadly! But as time goes on, this issue seems to be getting worse. Whilst I am viewing getting up, showered, dressed and into my workshop as a major achievement to be fan-fared and applauded, some of those close to me are making noises about how it really is about time I pull myself together and "get on with it", as it can't possibly be "that bad", and if I only took more exercise/did more to jolly myself along - I would be fine in no time. I'm not depressed at the moment (well, no more than anyone is at this time of year, with hardly any daylight and truely grey weather!) but if I have to continue defending myself for much longer this may well change. I just don't have the spoons to continually repeat myself.
Now, if they suggested 12 weeks in a health spa on Lake Geneva, I would probably be more inclined to listen...
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 drained | |
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A really very interesting week one way or another. One of those start stop jobs that leaves you wondering somehow if you've missed something huge, but are not sure what!
Monday to Wednesday were really very satisfying, I spent them playing in my workshop in the morning and feet up for the rest of the day (I was a little on the dazed side for some reason - nearly crashing but not quite). I managed to finish the dreaded fibres orange and purple and probably won't want to look at them again for a while (DH worked out that there was nearly 3km's of the bloody stuff all told, it's no wonder it took me since May!)
And then Thursday came. I made a mistake. No, you are wrong, I do make them. Just I, like the rest of us, try not to mention it too much! I washed my hair and went to the doctors in the same morning!!! OMG! What was I thinking? I my defence, the doctors appt was only supposed to be 10 minutes at 12.10, and I had to wash my hair - can't stand being dirty/ichy - ewww! So. I got in to see the doctor at 1.50!!!!!! By the time I got home at half past 2 I had had it! No pain relief and no lunch on time. Either, always a big mistake, but together - almighty cock up. I haven't crashed that spectacularly in ages! And to top it all, when I got in there, the conversation went along the lines of
DOC "what can I do for you?"
ME "Not sure, you said you wanted to see me.........."
Friday, passed in fog.
Had a good weekend though. Spent Sat Lunchtime having lunch at a local pub (the White Cottage, West Huntspill), with all my family and it was really very nice and I for one had a great time. But then, I don't get out much and haven't got a lot to compare it to recently. But the food was good and we will certainly be going back again.
Crashed a bit today, but not as much as I thought I was going to, so I've probably got that to look forward to! Then, to top off an odd week, DH managed a fair attempt a gassing me. He thought he would be helpful this morning and turn on the portable gas heater in my workshop to warm it up for half an hour or so, before I wandered down there to potter. Unfortuately, he failed to shut my workshop door properly and the pilot blew out. Workshop is now out of bounds until at least Tuesday when a new gas cylinder can be purchased (it was half full!). It was a good job it wasn't raining, as all the windows and the door had to be left open for several hours whilst it aired! Oh well, I wasn't in it, and it didn't go bang. So hey ho, 'spect I shall be doing a lot of knitting for a couple of days. Which will probably be a good thing.
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tired | |
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Another of the flooding (guess who has discovered where to play in Flckr today?). I think it looks beautiful in sepia though. The play of the light and shadows kept me watching from the window for most of the morning. Even nicer in the warm. |
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Friday was terrible round here (what you get for living on the top of a hill I suppose) with Gales force winds of up 100mph. And Saturday wasn't that much better. The whole house whistled and howled, really quite tiring, Then this morning we woke up to clear skies and wonderful sunshine... and from my window the flooding, Looking really cool in Black and white I think. Before any of you worry, we live on the edge of the levels, without draining we would be under the sea, so flooding is a part of life here but it does seem as if we are going to have a real bout of it for a while, and the damage hasn't been anywhere near as severe as the rest of the country. |
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Well, for me anyway! (Ok, note to self - stop comparing with what you used to be able to do! Slap's face.)
I have managed to spend a significant proportion of each day in my workshop this week, and.......... (drum roll here) I've been spinning. For the first time in about 6 months I'm feeling up to spinning for at least 2 hours every day. It's wonderful. Ok, I haven't got my mojo back by a long way, but it is a significant step, so yay, go me!! So far I have finished the purple singles and the orange singles and knitted 2/3's of a pair of sock, so pretty productive really. You see, this is what happens when you get over 14 weeks of strep lungs, and the reaction to flu vac #1 and you stop taking the narsty pills the doc gave you 'cus they are narsty and they don't work, and people leave you alone to get on with it!! Ta Daaa!
Right, so that's enough of me patting myself on the back, so before I dislocate my own shoulder trying, I'm popping off now to finish those socks. And tomorrow I can potter off to the workshop and ply those darned singles... Then I might even take pictures!
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 I had a really nice Birthday weekend. Very quiet, but as I really am not up to partying for hours/days at a time, that is not a bad thing.
Friday the AP's turned up with a really yummy pair of squidgy booties and some cash (I'm saving for a kit from George Weil, say no more). No photo of booties as I'm wearing them and my feet are warm for the first time today, so they aren't coming off, even for important pix like these. They also brought gluten-free sausages for lunch - yum.
Saturday, I was finally allowed to open my pressie from Freya and was rewarded with these - yay!! I love them, my last pair of Freya mitts were beginning to look as loved as they are, so this is just brilliant. DH gave me the latest XMen CD, so I shall have to take over the telly one afternoon this week, looking forward to that. MIL sent book tokens, but it's ok, #1Son has offered to buy them off me, so I shall have more cash to go towards George's box.
Then, off we went to Glastonbury for a wander round. It was splendid, Glastonbury on a warm and balmy Halloween afternoon is just wonderful. Every one dresses up and there is a really festive atmosphere. And then home, with feet up and pampering from Dh & #1Son. All in all a really nice weekend.
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 Once DH had managed to get through to me that it's normal to feel this rough after 3 chest infections in 14 weeks, mentally I have begun to feel stronger, but if has been Summer, I'm not looking forward to Winter, when everyone else had got stuff I can catch - think I will hibernate!
So I have cracked on with the boring bit of recovery whilst sending my thoughts down to my workshop every day, promising it won't be long. Doc is conspiring otherwise though, went for a chat on Friday and got stuck with the flu Jab before I could object. So I spent the weekend feeling just about where I had been about a week before. Better now though, just in time for the H1N1 on Thursday - yay! Go me!
And now for something completely different. I've been talking-booking-it again and have managed 2 big ones and some Podcasts. The first was a biography of Jane Boleyn; The Infamous Lady Rochford by Julia Fox - it was really sympathetically written without being partisan, and generally an interesting read, putting the subject in context with the politics and daily life of time and place in which she lived. It has quite a weak beginning I thought, but if you can get through it, by the end I could see why Fox had started as she did. The second was a revisiting for me, Dune by Frank Herbert I love this book, the sheer scale and grandeur of the worlds Herbert creates sweeps the reader along. This, together with the truly fabulous use of words makes it a really splendid and thoroughly enjoyable read whether you are a sci fi addict or not. I've just started on re-reading Mary, Queen of Scots by Antonia Fraser. Fraser is a more romantic historian then Starkey, but the work compliments my next read Elizabeth by David Starkey and once again provides a different view of the period.
And now to my guilty pleasure. Podcasts. Until recently I really had no idea how many of them there were and how much fun they could be. The whilst wandering through the iStore in iTunes the other day (see - this is what happens when I have to buy an iShuffle thingy!), I discovered the podcasts page - there are just so many, it's almost overwhelming! But so much fun. Whether you want to find out more about Ancient Rome or who is holding the next Jousting Melee, there is a podcast for you! Voices from all over the planet being as enthusiastic as puppies over their own personal obsessions - brilliant. And just so easy to knit to.
Which reminds me, in the last 3 weeks I have knitted 2 pairs of socks, one shrug and am now up to the wrists on a pair of Norwegian Mittens - Christmas is coming folks. (mwahahaha....)
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 cheerful | |
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I was sitting in bed the other day (I do a lot of that). And I started thinking about time.
Time slips, it flies, it sneaks, it goes spare. It passes whilst we aren't looking and when we are. It slows down it, it speeds up, there is plenty or not enough.
Now we all know that this really isn't the case. In reality time is a constant, what actually changes is our perceptions of it. How we perceive time really appears to depend upon what we are doing, how we are doing it (doesn't really matter what 'it' is). How intensely we concentrate, how much we allow our concentration to wander from the task in hand. Suddenly we look up and time has passed, how much time may come as a surprise or a disappointment depending upon our view of things. Whilst we were children time seemed to slow down and summers were endless, school took no time at all (until about 15 or so and then there just wasn't enough time to fit everything in). As we get older time speeds up until it seems to hurtle along leaving us none spare.
But if you just stop and consider for a while, young children may have got it right, the reason that summers were so long and there was plenty of time was just so simple. So simple, that as adults we seem to have lost the knack. Children live in the now. They care about what is happening now, not what is going to happen later, tomorrow, or next week, next month or next year. Children don't even use such words unless their parents teach them. As adults we spend too much time living in the future - tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, if we do A, B will happen and then we can move onto C. And we stop taking time to consider A as we do it. Time to be aware of what we are doing right now. What are your perceptions of the task you are performing right now? What colour is it, what sort of noise does it make as you perform it, how does it feel in the hand, how does it smell? We stop noticing. We haven't time. We do at least two things at once or we are not managing our time efficiently. Food no longer tastes, it is eaten as quickly as possible so that we can move on. Onto the next task.
Aren't we missing so much? Would we really reach our goals any later if we slowed to consider and experience our actions whilst we go along? Would we not instead become more aware of we are doing and maybe enjoy life a little more as we move from one moment to the next? Also, by considering our actions, whilst we act, would we not take more responsibility for them?
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 contemplative | |
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Came downstairs for cup of tea to take back into plague pit, sorry, bed and #1Son asked if he could put these on his Christmas list!!!
I said he could... but why he would want an entire collection of subatomic particles in cushion form as a Christmas present beats the hell out of me!
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 cranky | |
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After the message I left on my friends answerphone this morning, DH has finally begun to understand why I just can't be trusted with anything important on the phone front. First off answer machines. This morning's message was a prime example. I knew what I was going to say, it just didn't.
Message went as follows...
"Hi, just to let you know, the new lawn mower, no, vacuum cleaner, no, erm ah! Washing machine, yes that's it washing machine, has arrive, chat later!"
At least in person, I can mime.
Secondly, whilst making a business call, I transform from an articulate intelligent individual with mild dysphasia, into a twitching gibbering wreck with severe dysphasia, as the person on the other end either doesn't give me sufficient time to find the right word (or even something sufficiently similar to work with!) or tries to supply the word and fit it into the gap for me! This just does not work, as it tends to throw me, not only because they invariably supply the wrong word, but by the time I've told the person no that isn't it, I've totally forgotton which bloody word it was I was fishing for in the first place!
So. For the foreseeable future, DH gets to make the phone calls, and my friends? Well they are all resigned to this slightly dotty person ringing every now and again to spout total nonsense at them, whilst most of the time making herself understood. Eventually.
There really only seems to be one thing for it. I shall just turn on the answer phone and finish turning my heels on the latest Christmas socks.
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calm | |
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 Pat myself on the back! Carer and I had a chat this morning, and I didn't back down. Possibly didn't say as much as I should have, but managed to hammer the main points home.
As a reward to myself, I staggered down to my workshop and raided my sock yarn stash. I filled my basket with pretty yarns and settled down with a plain pattern and some needles and CO the first pair.
This serves several purposes, the main two being, I have no totally plain knitting on my needles at the moment, and I need some (no, really I do!). And secondly, Christmas is coming up and I really don't want to leave it all to the last minute this year or I won't want to clap eyes on a ball of sock yarn for about 6 months. (This is what happened last year and DH still hasn't really forgiven me as his are now beginning to wear out!)
So. I shall hijack #1Son for 10 mins, to help me pop tea in the oven (mince & onions with dumplings - yum!) and then settle down under my electric blanket for an afternoon of bliss, leaving the bloody awful weather outside the door.
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 Well, I've pretty much spent the last 3 days in bed, and looking back I should have given in about a week ago. Ah, well, I's a growd up and should know better, but sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference between Bronchitis and M.E., both make me feel achey and tired, and as the weather had changed the coughing wasn't that unusual. Never mind, all antibiotic'd up now and feeling better by the dose.
Staying in bed could be worse, at least I have a fabulous view from the window and the sparrows have been pretty active outside. We are far enough up the hill I really do see birds flying past the window (and in the earlier part of last week I had a narrow miss from a smug little sparrow coming into land on the fence as I wandered back up from my workshop!).
OK, those who aren't interested in Sarah's little rant should probably stop reading about here...
(But don't forget to have a look at the video)
I came to the conclusion last week that even though I have been M.E. Clinic free for a while now I shall have to go back, as I seem to be deteriorating rather than improving, Some of this is probably the stress caused by my Carer being such a wound up kind of person and I shall be addressing that issue on Monday (I chicken'd out Thursday, told her not to come and went back to bed, I was feeling pretty shitty).
One of my main complaints I know will sound really petty, but when you get as tired as I am, believe me, it gets huge! She won't sit down. All the time she is here she just won't stop moving and fussing. When am I going to do this? Have I taken such and such medication? Could I just pop off down to my workshop so that she can clean the room I happen to be in? She is driving me crazy and giving just sufficient stress that weekends when she is not here I crash. Which in turn means that I'm not spending quality time with my boys.
I have tried the gentle approach - look, I don't mind of you take an OU course and do your homework here; read a book why don't you; have a ball of yarn, knitting pattern and needles - knit socks. Sit down with coffee and a magazine for f*#k's sake. Unfortunately this hasn't worked. Neither has the non subtle hints that I am 42 not 6, nor am I educationally subnormal!
So Monday I shall have to take the bull by the horns and get all "Miss Whiplash" on her. Am writing a job description that includes no vacuuming/cleaning between the hours of 10 and 12. To be honest I really couldn't give 2 figs if she naps on the sofa between episodes of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, as long as she stops trying to rearrange me and my home to the way she thinks it out to run! It took me ages to work out how I could function without being perminantly tired from just being upright and/or asthma. I really don't need someone deciding that my routine isn't suitable for her. I suspect that because a lot of the time I don't look that ill, she has fallen into that trap of if she jolleys me along I be just fine. What she really is not getting is, she isn't with me in the afternoons and evenings when the fruits of her handywork turn up. Not good. Not good at all.
So. Monday it is. I will give her a choice, my way or no way. Have come to the conclusion that some people just aren't willing to meet in the middle!
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contemplative | |
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 Just Like that! No warning, but very accurately, on the Autumn Equinox. It is actually my favourite time of the year in this part of the world. The Light changes totally and on clear mornings like this was, the world becomes quite quite golden and soft. It really was a rewarding sight out of the window at 6.30am. (Please, do not ask what I was doing awake at 6.30 uin the morning, it really is not worth repeating, suffice to say it happens often, especially at this time of the year.)
The days have become wonderfully balmy with sharp evenings and even a perfume in the air. The trees haven't started turning yet and the gails haven't really started blowing. It has become mellow with more than a trace of watchfulness. As if everything is waiting for the gails to begin and blow it all away.
 Before you all think I have suddenly gone totally nuts - no, really, I haven't. But I thought I would start with something positive and not an apology for not writing for most of September! I only realised that it was most of September on Wednesday. Where has it all gone? I can hear the wail from here, especially as I am echoing it!! I think it disappeared whilst I was having such a good time with visitors. Freya, Mark and the dogs came down to visit last week (and a bit of the week before). So my time has been taken up, getting ready for, enjoying and getting over having them to stay. And we really did have a brilliant time, the boys (Mark, DH & #1Son) discovered the "Joys of Tanks" (bit like the Joy of Sex, but lasts much longer and is more suitable for a 14 year old boy). And Freya and I fondled Fibre. Pretty much a perfect week.
And so to this week. Lots of knitting, although I seem to knitting very slowly at the moment, which is quite frustrating. I feel like casting on another pair of socks, as that always makes the world turn faster. But it really would be lethal, as I just wouldn't get the other 3 projects finished bah! Sometimes I really wish I was a little less practical! And I have some lovely sock yarn just wispering subversive things in my ear. Nope! I really must be strong. How I envy those with no addictions sometimes... Well, there is only one thing for it! Back to the Workshop, and back to the spinning.... But it is getting dark and cold early now, which means more telly knitting time, so maybe I can fit those socks in?
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Ok, my turn to squawk NOT FAIR! Life had been settling down really quite nicely, and we were pottering along, and I was getting loads of rest, so that I can party all of Freya & Mark's visit, and then the powers that be decided to send another "challenge".
Each bit on it's own in theory is just a teensy inconvenient, in practice... Take a seat, I shall explain.
Last week, my fabulous top loading all singing all dancing washing machine decided that it was no longer going to agitate washing. The nice man what can fix it we discovered is on holiday. Until the 19th. It's ok, we are calling in favours, and then wopping all the wet stuff through the tumble dryer. It's not convenient, but we can survive.
Than, on Friday night, the road works that 'them in charge' have been threatening since April, turned up. All night. It's been all night since Friday. They did have Sunday night off which must have been nice for them. I know it was for us. It's not the scraping off of 20years of tarmac I mind particularly, (although yesterday it was directly outside the front door). It was more the reversing sirens. Every 20mins or so. All. Night. They were working hard at 1am, and at 4am. I think they took a little tea break about 5.30 this morning, but bless them they were back hard at it by 5.45am. It was almost heartwarming to look out the window at 7am and watch them tidy up at the end of their shift and scuttle off home to their warm. Comfortable. Quiet beds. Bless.
Sigh. Now this is going to sound odd, but as I rarely sleep more thatn 4 hours in a stretch, I seem to be coping far better than those about me, #1son has been given the day off as he isn't actually making any sense. Ah well, they finish on Friday. No, really, they said they would.
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pissed off | |
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And it started off with such promise as well. In the morning, liver scan - surprise! I've got one.
And then ordered new crutches they should be here Tuesday or Wednesday of next week, in plenty of time to go gadding about with Freya and Mark - so exciting.... The colour is going to be a surprise, can you guess?
So. As things were going so well, DH & I decided to pop up to Costco, on a normal day, 45mins there, an hour mooching about and 45 mins home. Hah! I wish!! After taking 3 hours to get there - yep folks, 3 hours, you heard right, the motorway was down to crawling - even on crutches I could possbly have kept up! We left home about 1.30pm and it was 8pm on the dot we got back!!
Have made DH promise on his Private Eye collection, that we won't be attempting to travel on the last Friday before the end of the Summer hols/schools go back. Ever. Again.
Think I shall spend the rest of today with feet up dozing - not what I had lined up AT ALL.
Ooooo! Postman has just come, my parcel from Get Knitted has arrived. Full of yarn for Christmas presents, & a replacement Knit Pro circ that really and truely I should get Harry Hound to pay for (I shan't thought as he doesn't get pocket money!)
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And from Wednesday onwards, I really don't seem to remember much of it. I had realised last weekend that I was a little on the fuzzy side. And maybe bits of days were going missing. But Hey. I have M.E. so nothing new there then. And then on Thursday night I began to feel really odd and Friday took the executive decision not to get up. A really good one as it turned out. I finally crashed spectacularly, just so much fun. Spent most of the morning lying flat on my back with eyes shut and whale song on the walkman to shut out reality. (Hey! it works for me!) Saturday was much better but still wobbly. I got ambitious, and allowed DH to take me down to the Smokery I managed the drive down and then zoned out on the way back, came to and had absolutely no idea where I was - driving with me as a passenger is just one big adventure folks.
On the upside, I finished my Guesswork Sweater, and set to C/O a domino shrug with the Noro Silk Garden that was left over from my snuggy of a couple of years ago. (for lack of pix see above). And today I managed to spend the morning in my workshop. Think I shall spend the next week doing things very slowly. But to hell with it! At least I'm still doing!!
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At last! After the various traumas that always accompany the upheaval of emptying a room to decorate it (where did all that stuff come from?). Getting it painted, and putting some of the stuff back (my goodness! It looks bigger in here... hang on, why can't we get across the living room anymore?). I now have my snug back to crash in, and my computer back to blog on!!! Hooray! Gone are the toothpaste blues and hello soothing creams and purple accents (still not sure about that bit, but it's growing on me. I think. Will try and take pictures after the mantel is put back, the pictures rehung and the curtains are up... (hey! My computer is back, the rest can wait!)
I thought I would catch up on what I've been reading recently, both paper and audio. On paper it's been a Mitford summer.
First off, DH gave me The Mitfords: Letters Between Six Sisters as he thought it would be easy for me to cope with (attention span of a gnat!) but oh my, it was totally absorbing. A narrative not only of the sisters lives and loves but also a gripping insight on those around them. Granted, they started out as total loose canons. But, as the letters progressed through their lives, I was left with great empathy and by the end, totally choked.
From there it was a natural progression to Hons and Rebels, an autobiography by Jessica Mitford from her childhood into her early twenties. Whilst very funny, it contained a lot of pathos and Jessica herself, seemed to me to be pretty bitter about the whole episode.
Which led me to The Pursuit of Love by Nancy Mitford a largely autobiographical novel. Again the wit of the sisters shines through, a light and funny read that so far (I'm about 2/3s through) I would recommend to all.
Then, to finish off it will be Love in a Cold Climate again, by Nancy Mitford. After which I think I may just out of try and find some of her biographies (Mme de Pompadour, the Sun King etc).
On the audio front, I was really pleased to find the complete Lord of the Rings the dramatised BBC Radio edition, as I had worn out the cassette tape recording I was given for Christmas years ago. It really is just a thrilling as it was when it was first produced! The sound quality now it is download makes a welcome improvement. Fabulous for knitting along to!
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yarnspider's journal
One of the most magical things that happens at this time of year is the fog. And on the Levels it really is fantastical. I took these pictures over the course of only 20 minutes the other morning just as the sun was coming up. (Like I said before, the time of year and a bloody lousy body clock) 
crappy
All we seem to have received this week are gales and torrential rain! If it carry's on like this I shall be obliged to follow Harry's example and not come out again until spring!
groggy